Wow! How a tiny shift in perspective changes the whole world…
I just finished a therapy over internet with a client and feel thrilled to be fulfilled. I feel gave her a really good session. Together we were able to move through a knot we’ve been working on and come out into greater insight, into a bigger meadow of the mind.
And I realised that I give talk therapy well.
I can give something well.
Recently a friend came around to the house and made us a fish dinner, he was a little upset with the fish he’d brought, I thought it was delicious. He also brought cheese made from sheep’s milk which had a rich smoky taste to it. He made a salad and asked for some ‘better oil’. It was obvious that this man does things with care and that he wanted to, and did, give wonderfully well. When he left we both felt the warmth of his giving. We was great to feel so cared for.
Talking with a friend who is a techie this week I realised that being good at something, doesn’t necessarily mean that you are in more control of what is arising but more that you have confidence to create something that is healthy, ‘good’ and valuable regardless of the situation. A confident path finder through the new and unknown. The situation can be anything: giving a therapy session, cooking for friends, being in an argument, driving a car, taking children to a park, playing sport, music, being creative.
Con-fidence (con-with fidare-faith) I would say is created by feeling one has sufficient knowledge of one’s own potential and ability to improvise with ‘what is’ to create a satisfying situation. It could well be as much an attitude as the skills under one’s belt to go through into the unknown without hindering, blinding fear. Perhaps even to dance through the velvet dark with laughter!
Being an expert means we say, ‘I can do this, and I can do this well, so much so that I can allow myself to completely lose control and relax into ‘what is’’ and become the dance rather than the dancer.
But it is so scary for me to give up control, especially if someone is paying me to do something (the evil of perfectionism…groan). I am afraid of relaxing, especially with others. And yet when I do manage to, it is glorious and I think ‘Why don’t I do this all the time?’ It’s child’s play. I am peaceful and quieter and filled with soft strong energy. And in that peace and quiet, I can see more, hear more – give better. As I luxuriate in this abundance of wellbeing and giving well, I feel so in contact with myself and what I have inside to give. It builds more confidence.
There are moments when I am so ‘in flow’ I feel merged, or invisible to my self (lower case ‘s’), or so vulnerable I actually become invulnerable as I totally surrender, or rather become so flexible to life that I am confident to consciously lose control – knowing that any situation will be fine. All water runs to the sea. Everything that is happening we can make flow (if we choose) towards a greater sense of fulfilment for all involved.
Maestro Eckhart in this sense taught that we are co-creators with the divine.
And stood at the sink, in this after-glow of the therapy session, I felt my mental jaw drop as I realised startled what a chasm there is between these two questions, ‘What can I give to others well?’ and ‘What can I do to make money to survive?’ The strange thing is they often lead to the same activities but with completely different results.